I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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