allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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