woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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