I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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