rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Randomize
