My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
