I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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