i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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