I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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