i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dicks are not precious.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
