Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If I die, sorry about rent.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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