Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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