Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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