I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This girl is more easily done than said...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
