its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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