I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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