She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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