so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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