Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
