Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
