bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
being pregnant is like rehab
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
