mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
