I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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