Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
