He is such a slut. More and more my type.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
