Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
