question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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