I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
