It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need to calm my uterus...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
