just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
