Your dad touched me again.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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