the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
