They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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