I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
