I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again