I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to