just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
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Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
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I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?