I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob