If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
