ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
