I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
