I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
