Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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