How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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