So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
