the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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