who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
