i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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