Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why do cheetos always look like penises
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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