Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
