Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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