Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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