I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
