Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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