I can text with my tongue
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
why do cheetos always look like penises
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
