But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
