We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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