We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
