The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
They have beer where we have blood.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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