I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
