I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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