she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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