Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
