I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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