I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
