I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
