im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
