**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
