Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
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You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
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Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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