Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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